December 23, 2007 Manners

The holidays can be stressful. All that running around and preparation for the big day. So it's not surprising that people often forget simple manners. In fact, some encounters can be downright rude. A polite excuse me, thank you or sorry is often all it takes to soften any difficult situation. Why then, have we forgone common courtesies and polite formalities?

Lynne Truss tackles boorish behaviour with a humourous slant in her book Talk To The Hand, The Utter Bloody Rudeness Of the World Today. This book does not provide solutions to tricky situations but rather mourns the loss of good manners in today's society. You may find yourself nodding in agreement and saying wow, that's happened to me. She explores the effects that modern conveniences have on our communication skills. Automated telephone systems, online banking, and self-service kiosks, all contributing to a general attitude of do-it-yourself. People seem to be tuned out and plugged in, whether it is a cell phone attached to the ear or text-messaging, listening to an
ipod or leaving a message at the beep.

The Canadian version of Reader's Digest published the results of a politeness poll in the October 2007 edition. A check of the 15 biggest cities in Canada found Moncton to be the most courteous on the consideration of strangers. In their article The Trouble With Technology 60% of Canadians surveyed felt that technology was to blame for a lack of manners. You can view the full results of the poll on their website, or you can read a copy of the print version available at the Brodie, Waverley or Mary J. L. Black libraries.

Peggy Post, daughter of the etiquette guru Emily Post offers up some suggestions for handling many of life's dilemmas in Excuse Me, But I Was Next. What to do when someone cuts in line in front of you? This happens quite often. You are standing in line to pay for an item, when another cashier opens up the till next to you. The person at the end of the line quickly heads there first. Or how about nosy questions? Do you dye your hair? How much money do you make? or Are you pregnant? Lots of practical everyday advice on tipping, cell phone etiquette, place settings, and unruly children. And yes, regifting is acceptable but only under very specific circumstances. To find out what they are you will have to borrow a copy of the book.

How about doing something just for the sake of kindness? In 2002, four young men embarked on a journey across Canada with the goal of committing as many random acts of kindness as possible. Their book Cool To Be Kind recounts their journey. Unlike most cross country tours which involve donations, the only requirement is that the recipients of an act of kindness pass along the same courtesy. These are not grandiose acts, some things are as simple as dishwashing, a massage, a hospital visit, or a hug. You many even remember hearing about their visit to Thunder Bay. They were introduced at the Fort William Gardens during a Lakehead University Thunderwolves game and sold chuck-a-pucks. The next day they lent a helping hand cooking for the shelter house. Their website can be found at www.extremekindness.com

You may have heard of the concept of committing an act of kindness and instructing the receiver to do the same being referred to as pay it forward. The term Pay It Forward was popularized by the novel of the same title by Catherine Hyde which was also made into a movie. As part of a social studies assignment, Trevor must come up with an idea for world change and act upon it. He decides to start a goodwill chain. He begins by helping out three people telling them that in return they must pay it forward by helping three others. At first it appears that his attempts have failed, but slowly the plan takes root and spreads. The library has a copy of the novel in print and audio cassette, as well as the film version on dvd.

If you are interested in guiding your child into using good manners there are a number of materials to set them on the right path. Mama Bear comes up with a plan to help her family correct their rude behaviour in The Berenstain Bear's Forget Their Manners by Stan Berenstain available in both print and electronic format @ your library. On dvd, again featuring the Berenstain Bears, is the title Bears Mind Their Manners which teaches children simple life lessons and family values. Emily Post's The Gift Of Good Manners by Peggy Post is a guide for parents wanting to teach children the finer points of behaviour by setting the example.

Perhaps this holiday season we can take the time to focus on our social skills and etiquette and declare 2008 the year for kindness.

Michelle Paziuk, Library Technician at the Brodie Resource Library.